Last fall, I wrote about my growing discomfort with Instagram. Last January, I made it official. I didn’t dramatically delete my account while clutching my pearls. I just… left. Completely. No app. No scrolling. No “just checking real quick.”
Oh gosh, can I come over for a cup of coffee and chat about this with you for a few days? I am in agreement with every bit of this 100%. I took THREE YEARS OFF. And… just returned. Opened the app…started posting… and IMMEDIATELY I could feel the rewiring of my brain…and heart. I’m “using it” to organize thoughts/chapters for a book proposal… I’m “using it” as a way for people to find me here, on Substack (like a gateway drug)… and “using” and “drug”are appropriate words. I think it’s fear based (no one will know that I live in this lovely space if I’m not on Instagram) mixed with a sort of love for the creativity and fun of creating a visually beautiful life in those unrealistic squares. I’ve even got an entire post written about this (will be published this weekend over at WWP) and now… you… YOUR WORDS… feels like God tapping my shoulder and showing me perhaps, why I’ve felt less hopeful, more agitated, and everything urgent since my return…He’s saying “you’re not using it, it’s using you.” Thanks for the wrecking ball, Danielle LOL!!! I needed this. Pray for me, please!
Oh Laura, I can relate to all of these things! I will pray for your discernment. The funny thing for me is that I am now going back and experimenting with posting my substack stuff on IG and FB. I felt funny leaving my accounts with over a year-old content at the top and I wasn't ready to just delete. I do the "posting" by scheduling in the meta business suite at the same time that I'm scheduling my substack post. It takes less than 5 minutes as substack automatically creates the images for sharing. This way I am not hanging out on those other platforms (and honestly maybe I can only do this because they have truly lost their appeal for me). I don't expect much traction in those places as I'm not playing their game, but for now I'm at peace with this.
Who knows? Substack might eventually become the kind of place I don't want to be anymore. These platforms are always changing and they are not US. We get to make the decision about whether or not to engage.
Laura - I am there with you sister!! Read my comment. Was off for years and *just* got back on. I feel the pull too… def a hard thing to find balance with!
Thanks for putting this into such thoughtful words. I have had a very similar experience, stepping quietly away from IG when I realized I was no longer seeing my family and friends' posts anymore with any consistency. I have checked back in since then and also saw it more clearly for what is has become. It was the first time I realized these platforms are always changing and what started as a pleasing way to keep in touch with family and friends was no longer that.
Danielle- have you read Carlos Whitakker’s book Reconnected? I think you would enjoy based on what you have posted here. I am grateful you did not get off the internet entirely, we need you Danielle Bean!!!!!
I never did Instagram but that’s how I have started feeling about Facebook. So many ads and so many posts with divisive comments. Fewer and fewer posts about friends and family.
Love this, Danielle! I’ve recently been using the Brick device to set better boundaries around Instagram and Facebook, and it has been so freeing. The first week of intentionally being off of social media was a little embarrassing. I noticed how much my brain craved the quick dopamine and how impatient I was with my husband and children. I’m about a month and a half in now and am starting to see some of the positive effects you mention. I feel very encouraged by you to keep distancing myself from it!!
This is so good! Honestly I have been wrestling because I was off for YEARS. The Lord called me to take a deep dive down under with him into silence and preparation for what we are doing now - with our Ministry. But also getting rid of social media was so freeing as it showed me what real life & intentional living look like. They aren’t reflective of numbers or how much you post your cute kids online. I would have people tell me to put more photos of the kids up- and I always thought that was strange because if they really cared, they would just call and come over or we could visit. It revealed the bitter reality that people want to “see” our lives to measure or monitor it (maybe, maybe not) but not necessarily be an active part of our life. A lot of social media is surface level. I received great treasures in that time away- unexplainable really- what God can do when you give him your *full* attention.
I’ve even noticed how strange it is that people write letters to their children or husband or dead relative (whoever) on social media. Sometimes the other person doesn’t even have an account. I would wonder- does that person know what the writer thinks? Did they say it to them in person? We are so disconnected as a culture. It blows my mind. And I participate in it too, to ab extent…it’s hard not to!
So thats where I am now. Wrestling. Bc I am back on for the ministry, to help gain visibility- because the Lord called us to the world-wide-web. Not because I wanted to go. But because he asked me to. And I find myself scrolling for hours at night!! HOURS! How insane. Mostly inspirational scrolls, but still. Time given to what? A market- like you said. We are the product; the consumer.
I *just* told my husband last night, I’m deleting the app on my phone and using it on the computer for the business. This just confirms my desires to step back again! It’s a hard line not to cross. It’s chemical. There’s a shift in the brain patterns and way of thought 100%. I also have found it disruptive to my days as I seek looking and looking at the app - even when I use the bathroom! Crazy huh?!
My eye has also been perpetually twitching which tells me it’s time 😜🤪.
All of this was a “yes” and “me too”—over and over again. I started to write more of a comment than that and realized I have a whole blog post. I could write myself about this topic like so many others here. Beautiful article. I am grateful for all your seasons of work over the years!
Hi Danielle, I agree with most of your frustration with social media. I am an artist. I love to paint and draw for my enjoyment and I need inspiration. I follow other artists and share some of my work. I don’t like to scroll mindlessly because it takes my spare time. I sometimes get shares from my family and we enjoy the interaction. If I were writing or teaching , I would not use Instagram to share my ideas. It would not work. This platform is great for your prayer and support.
I worry about the way social media has changed young children and teens. That’s what concerns me the most!
Thank you for all that you present for Girlfriends!🩷
This is spot on!! I’ve taken breaks here and there and I’ve always felt so much better! A couple of weeks ago I knew it was time for another break except this time I know it’s going to be for a long period of time. Just in this two weeks I feel refreshed and more present! The longer you’re off the easier it is to stay off!
This is all SO accurate. You put into words what I have been thinking for such a long time. No matter how strong a person is social media wreaks havoc on the subconscious and all of a sudden we are not doing enough. We are in a constant comparison and then are not looking at all the blessings we have right in front of use I’m trying to get a business going with speaking/writing about motherhood, homeschooling, big family life. I got back into Instagram to promote and I felt no joy in posting - you also being to feel a solace to the algorithm. Now I the app off my phone and only post about my substack from the computer. This helps avoid the scroll that is not worth any mental space. Thank you for wiring this. It was SO good!
Thank you so much, Jessica! I'm so encouraged to know this resonated with you and thrilled to hear how well you are doing without IG. May God bless you, your motherhood, and you rministry.
This is such a thoughtful and true analysis. I'm on Insta, but typically click to view only Followed. However, it keeps tossing you back into the pool. And so many many ads. So well said. I'm viewing it less and less.
Thank you Janice! It sounds like you are on the right track. I have found that just becoming AWARE of what IG does to us is often the first step toward positive change.
Three days ago I was hit with an image on instagram that shook me to my core. Ugly crying. Enraged and confused. My peace was shattered. I prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. And then I deleted it all. Substack is my new go to. I have BeReal with my sisters and kids. And Marco Polo with siblings and friends. I’m good. I’m regaining my peace and filling the recaptured time with more music, reading, and connections IRL 🩷
This is so good Danielle! I was just chatting with my sister about this, and I think you said so many of the things we were feeling but didn’t have the words for. Sending to her now! Blessed by your work 💕.
Oh gosh, can I come over for a cup of coffee and chat about this with you for a few days? I am in agreement with every bit of this 100%. I took THREE YEARS OFF. And… just returned. Opened the app…started posting… and IMMEDIATELY I could feel the rewiring of my brain…and heart. I’m “using it” to organize thoughts/chapters for a book proposal… I’m “using it” as a way for people to find me here, on Substack (like a gateway drug)… and “using” and “drug”are appropriate words. I think it’s fear based (no one will know that I live in this lovely space if I’m not on Instagram) mixed with a sort of love for the creativity and fun of creating a visually beautiful life in those unrealistic squares. I’ve even got an entire post written about this (will be published this weekend over at WWP) and now… you… YOUR WORDS… feels like God tapping my shoulder and showing me perhaps, why I’ve felt less hopeful, more agitated, and everything urgent since my return…He’s saying “you’re not using it, it’s using you.” Thanks for the wrecking ball, Danielle LOL!!! I needed this. Pray for me, please!
Oh Laura, I can relate to all of these things! I will pray for your discernment. The funny thing for me is that I am now going back and experimenting with posting my substack stuff on IG and FB. I felt funny leaving my accounts with over a year-old content at the top and I wasn't ready to just delete. I do the "posting" by scheduling in the meta business suite at the same time that I'm scheduling my substack post. It takes less than 5 minutes as substack automatically creates the images for sharing. This way I am not hanging out on those other platforms (and honestly maybe I can only do this because they have truly lost their appeal for me). I don't expect much traction in those places as I'm not playing their game, but for now I'm at peace with this.
Who knows? Substack might eventually become the kind of place I don't want to be anymore. These platforms are always changing and they are not US. We get to make the decision about whether or not to engage.
Laura - I am there with you sister!! Read my comment. Was off for years and *just* got back on. I feel the pull too… def a hard thing to find balance with!
Thanks for putting this into such thoughtful words. I have had a very similar experience, stepping quietly away from IG when I realized I was no longer seeing my family and friends' posts anymore with any consistency. I have checked back in since then and also saw it more clearly for what is has become. It was the first time I realized these platforms are always changing and what started as a pleasing way to keep in touch with family and friends was no longer that.
Thank you Anne! These platforms certainly have changed from what they once were. You are wise to be paying attention.
Danielle- have you read Carlos Whitakker’s book Reconnected? I think you would enjoy based on what you have posted here. I am grateful you did not get off the internet entirely, we need you Danielle Bean!!!!!
Oooh thank you for the recommendation, Lisa! I'll check that out!
And I'm glad you're here too. :)
I never did Instagram but that’s how I have started feeling about Facebook. So many ads and so many posts with divisive comments. Fewer and fewer posts about friends and family.
Yes it's definitely also true on FB! Good to hear from you David. :)
Thanks Danielle. I enjoy reading your stuff.
Love this, Danielle! I’ve recently been using the Brick device to set better boundaries around Instagram and Facebook, and it has been so freeing. The first week of intentionally being off of social media was a little embarrassing. I noticed how much my brain craved the quick dopamine and how impatient I was with my husband and children. I’m about a month and a half in now and am starting to see some of the positive effects you mention. I feel very encouraged by you to keep distancing myself from it!!
Oooooh keep me posted on how the Brick works for you. I find that so intriguing.
This is so good! Honestly I have been wrestling because I was off for YEARS. The Lord called me to take a deep dive down under with him into silence and preparation for what we are doing now - with our Ministry. But also getting rid of social media was so freeing as it showed me what real life & intentional living look like. They aren’t reflective of numbers or how much you post your cute kids online. I would have people tell me to put more photos of the kids up- and I always thought that was strange because if they really cared, they would just call and come over or we could visit. It revealed the bitter reality that people want to “see” our lives to measure or monitor it (maybe, maybe not) but not necessarily be an active part of our life. A lot of social media is surface level. I received great treasures in that time away- unexplainable really- what God can do when you give him your *full* attention.
I’ve even noticed how strange it is that people write letters to their children or husband or dead relative (whoever) on social media. Sometimes the other person doesn’t even have an account. I would wonder- does that person know what the writer thinks? Did they say it to them in person? We are so disconnected as a culture. It blows my mind. And I participate in it too, to ab extent…it’s hard not to!
So thats where I am now. Wrestling. Bc I am back on for the ministry, to help gain visibility- because the Lord called us to the world-wide-web. Not because I wanted to go. But because he asked me to. And I find myself scrolling for hours at night!! HOURS! How insane. Mostly inspirational scrolls, but still. Time given to what? A market- like you said. We are the product; the consumer.
I *just* told my husband last night, I’m deleting the app on my phone and using it on the computer for the business. This just confirms my desires to step back again! It’s a hard line not to cross. It’s chemical. There’s a shift in the brain patterns and way of thought 100%. I also have found it disruptive to my days as I seek looking and looking at the app - even when I use the bathroom! Crazy huh?!
My eye has also been perpetually twitching which tells me it’s time 😜🤪.
Thanks for the inspiration and REAL post!!
Thank you Melissa! You make so many good points. These digital platforms are a very poor substitute for other, more authentic forms of "connection."
That image of standing before God with a log of my screen time house is so convicting!! Thank you for sharing and helping all of us in this journey
Glad I'm not the only one convicted by it, Kathryn! Thank you for sharing.
Have been contemplating this in my own life so heavily, this was encouraging!!
Praying for your discernment Katy! God will lead you in the right direction :)
All of this was a “yes” and “me too”—over and over again. I started to write more of a comment than that and realized I have a whole blog post. I could write myself about this topic like so many others here. Beautiful article. I am grateful for all your seasons of work over the years!
I hope you will write that post, Erin! Would love to know more about your perspective. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Danielle, I agree with most of your frustration with social media. I am an artist. I love to paint and draw for my enjoyment and I need inspiration. I follow other artists and share some of my work. I don’t like to scroll mindlessly because it takes my spare time. I sometimes get shares from my family and we enjoy the interaction. If I were writing or teaching , I would not use Instagram to share my ideas. It would not work. This platform is great for your prayer and support.
I worry about the way social media has changed young children and teens. That’s what concerns me the most!
Thank you for all that you present for Girlfriends!🩷
Thank you for this input, Janet! It’s great that you know you don’t want to scroll. I think a big part of it is being intentional about how we use it.
Yes! I have significantly taken a step back from Instagram and notice all the things you mentioned .
I started writing here on Substack and I feel more creative and that I have more time.
I feel more content with what the Lord has given and not always desiring things of this world.
Thanks for sharing this !!
Good for you, Amanda! So glad you are here on Substack :)
This is spot on!! I’ve taken breaks here and there and I’ve always felt so much better! A couple of weeks ago I knew it was time for another break except this time I know it’s going to be for a long period of time. Just in this two weeks I feel refreshed and more present! The longer you’re off the easier it is to stay off!
The longer you are off the easier it is-- you are so right about that Kathryn. Great perspective (and motivation)! Thank you for sharing!
This is all SO accurate. You put into words what I have been thinking for such a long time. No matter how strong a person is social media wreaks havoc on the subconscious and all of a sudden we are not doing enough. We are in a constant comparison and then are not looking at all the blessings we have right in front of use I’m trying to get a business going with speaking/writing about motherhood, homeschooling, big family life. I got back into Instagram to promote and I felt no joy in posting - you also being to feel a solace to the algorithm. Now I the app off my phone and only post about my substack from the computer. This helps avoid the scroll that is not worth any mental space. Thank you for wiring this. It was SO good!
Thank you so much, Jessica! I'm so encouraged to know this resonated with you and thrilled to hear how well you are doing without IG. May God bless you, your motherhood, and you rministry.
This is such a thoughtful and true analysis. I'm on Insta, but typically click to view only Followed. However, it keeps tossing you back into the pool. And so many many ads. So well said. I'm viewing it less and less.
Thank you Janice! It sounds like you are on the right track. I have found that just becoming AWARE of what IG does to us is often the first step toward positive change.
Three days ago I was hit with an image on instagram that shook me to my core. Ugly crying. Enraged and confused. My peace was shattered. I prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. And then I deleted it all. Substack is my new go to. I have BeReal with my sisters and kids. And Marco Polo with siblings and friends. I’m good. I’m regaining my peace and filling the recaptured time with more music, reading, and connections IRL 🩷
Thank you for the encouragement!!!!
Oh Rita, I'm so sorry to hear that! Praying for your peace!
This is so good Danielle! I was just chatting with my sister about this, and I think you said so many of the things we were feeling but didn’t have the words for. Sending to her now! Blessed by your work 💕.
Thank you so much Lauren. I'm so happy to know it resonates with you. God bless you and your sister!