"So we're square"

a mini Advent lesson about prayer and grace

Dan and I were killing it! For the first 13 days of Advent this year, we said the St. Andrew Christmas novena together faithfully every night before falling asleep.

But then we missed a night. No real reason for our mistake, we just forgot.

“What now?” Dan asked when we realized our failure the next morning.

“We just keep going,” I said.

And so we did. That night, Dan suggested we say the prayer 30 times instead of the usual 15, in order to make up for our missed day.

I did not feel like doing that.

It had been a long day. But I agreed.

"Before we began, Dan prayed for his intentions as we usual, and then turned to me.

“OK Lord,” I prayed. “I offer up the sacrifice of saying this prayer 30 times tonight, when I really don’t feel like it, to make up for the fact that we missed a day.”

Dan was about to begin the novena prayer when I added, “So we’re square.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. I smiled back at him.

Of course we were not “square.” How could any of us ever be “square” with God?

The good news is that Advent isn’t an accounting exercise. God is not standing over us with a clipboard, tallying prayers said and prayers missed. He isn’t impressed by our spiritual overtime. What He wants is not a perfect record, but a returning heart.

That night, as we finished the novena, 30 times and a little more tired than usual, I thought something: the prayer that mattered most wasn’t the one we repeated. It was the simple act of beginning again. Forgetting, remembering, showing up imperfectly, and still choosing to pray. That’s not failure. That’s humanity. That’s faith.

And for now, that’s my quiet lesson of Advent: not how to get it all right, but how to keep saying yes, even after we mess up.

We’ll never be “square.” Grace doesn’t need us to catch up. It just asks us to return. 💜