The Cheat Code to a Happier Marriage

5-Day Challenge starts today!

Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

What’s Your Cheat Code?

Dan and I recently had a conversation in which we asked each other what our “cheat code” was. I wasn’t familiar with this phrase when I first heard it, but my video game-playing boys filled me in. A “cheat code” is a secret code you use in a video game that helps you move ahead in the game quickly, even skipping steps in some cases.

When it comes to relationships, a person’s “cheat code” is something simple you can do for that person that they appreciate so much it pays big dividends in your relationship. We all know these small things. Maybe he cleans the kitchen or leaves a sweet note for you. Maybe you bring him coffee in the morning or make time to watch football together, even if you don't love it.

These small acts of service and love make up strong and healthy marriages. But are you focused on doing the one he appreciates most?

How We Love

One fascinating thing about the 5 Love Languages is that the way that we tend to feel love most is the way that we tend to express love to others. If you like words of affirmation, you’ll tend to show love to your husband with compliments and encouragement. But if that’s not his love language, it may not “work” all that well in making him feel loved. His love language might be acts of service and he might prefer if you vacuumed his car.

Similarly, you may not notice some of the ways your husband shows love for you if they align more with his love language than your own. If you prefer spending quality time together, you might be grateful when he brings home a small surprise gift for you, but you won’t be as over the moon as you would be if he made the time to sit and have coffee with you before leaving for work.

Asking about a “cheat code” is a fun way of finding out one small, specific thing that each of you really appreciates. A small “investment” you can make that pays off big time! Who doesn’t want that?

And you might be surprised. When I asked Dan about his “cheat code,” I thought he might say cooking his favorite meal, but after some thought, he said a back rub at the end of the day. Seriously. That small, that simple. Back rubs are not something I tend to appreciate, so I never gave them much thought!

When he asked me about my cheat code, I needed to think about it, but after a bit, I told him that keeping the mudroom clean was it for me. This area of the house is where tools and sports equipment tend to take over and create a giant, cluttered mess. I hate seeing it and feel helpless to clean it up myself because most of it is his stuff. If it’s clean, though, I LOVE it.

That’s the beauty of the cheat code. It’s easy to do, and it’s truly appreciated.

Here’s Your Assignment

There are some specific action items in today’s challenge to inspire you further and really make the most of this 5-day challenge, but for now, here’s something everyone can do:

Find out your husband’s “cheat code” and commit to using it. Report back here, telling us how it goes!

Your marriage needs nurturing.

Are you ready to do this? These 5 days of prayer, reflection, and action are a shot in the arm your marriage needs. Each day of this challenge includes:

💙 Lectio Divina: Real spiritual connection in just a few minutes.

💙 Group Chat: Connect with a supportive community of like-minded women for encouragement and shared wisdom

💙 2 Action Items: Simple, actionable steps to strengthen your marriage daily

💙 Questions: Reflect deeply on your relationship to uncover insights and foster growth

☑️ BONUS Live Video:

We’ll have a live Zoom call discussion on Wednesday, October 23, with a special guest marriage expert: Secrets of Marital Intimacy: Live Q&A with Sarah Bartel. This is a private space where you can bring your struggles and anonymously ask those questions about marital intimacy that you’ve been too shy to ask elsewhere. We will be learning together, and you can actively participate or quietly listen. See link to register below!

Are you ready? It’s Day 1! Let’s go!