The Communication Gap in Marriage—and How to Bridge It

Day 2 of our 5-Day Challenge

Pexels from Pixabay

“You should get your hair done.”

That was what Dan said to me. In a van filled with small children on our way home from Mass one Sunday morning, my precious husband turned to me and said those precious words: “You should get your hair done.”

Of course, he meant to communicate that he understood that I never took time for myself and was probably hesitant to spend the money, but that he fully supported me doing basic things to take care of myself, like going to the hair salon. He would stay with the kids, and he didn’t mind spending the money.

Of course, I heard something else. I heard that he didn’t like how I looked, that he was embarrassed to be seen with me, and that I needed to take care of the situation immediately.

We communicate differently.

I used to give a talk where I polled the audience using a texting app to create a word cloud in real time.

“What words generally describe a man’s style of communication?” I asked, and words like “direct,” “blunt,” and even “non-existent” filled the screen as husbands and wives elbowed each other and laughed.

When I asked the same about women, the responses ranged from “emotional,” “detailed,” and “elaborate” to “non-stop.”

There’s not one way that “all men” or “all women” communicate, but we tend to have some fundamental differences, which can lead to conflict. Knowing your husband’s communication style can help you better understand what he is saying, even in the heat of the moment when you think he’s insulting your hairstyle.

We need to listen more.

Paying attention to your husband's communication style can help you avoid conflicts like the one Dan and I had in the van that day. I can laugh about it now, but I was not laughing then. When we pay attention, we can assume the best and listen.

Especially in conflict, it’s important to assume the best about each other and listen to what the other person means by what they say. Too often, we defensively assume the worst, jump to conclusions, and are so furious and focused on our own perspective that we don’t even attempt to understand what the other person is saying.

Here’s your assignment.

There are specific action items in today’s challenge to inspire you further and really make the most of this 5-day challenge, and for now, here’s something we can all do:

The next time you find yourself in conflict with your husband, PAUSE. Really listen to the words he says and try to understand the conflict from his perspective. If you don’t understand, ask questions and allow him to fully express his viewpoint before saying anything yourself.

Your marriage needs encouragement.

These 5 days of prayer, reflection, and action are a shot in the arm your marriage needs. Each day of this challenge includes:

💙 Lectio Divina: Real spiritual connection in just a few minutes.

💙 Group Chat: Connect with a supportive community of like-minded women for encouragement and shared wisdom

💙 2 Action Items: Simple, actionable steps to strengthen your marriage daily

💙 Questions: Reflect deeply on your relationship to uncover insights and foster growth

☑️ BONUS Live Video:

We’ll have a live Zoom call discussion on Wednesday, October 23, with a special guest marriage expert: Secrets of Marital Intimacy: Live Q&A with Sarah Bartel. This is a private space where you can bring your struggles and anonymously ask those questions about marital intimacy that you’ve been too shy to ask elsewhere. We will be learning together, and you can actively participate or quietly listen. See link to register below!

Are you ready? It’s Day 2! Let’s go!